of all the aspects of african-american culture that black jews have at their disposal to integrate into judaism, why is it that the only one they seem to assimilate with little to no difficulty is the “uncle tom/aunt jemima/magical negro” paradigm?

you know what im talking about. those 30-40 year old grown black jewish men and women who run around with their teenaged white jewish “best friends”. the black jews who apparently come from some bizarro world where we roam the plains not unlike the wild buffaloes of yore, b/c when they see your black jewish @ss they look straight through you like you’re nothing special. or better yet, they try not to see you at all. even if youre the only two black people in the room. and everyone in their circle of all-white friends [who just adore their token ethnic acquisition] is pointing at you. then there are the ones who make painstakingly deliberate measures to seem as un-black as possible. [this includes but is not limited to shunning any and every form of music that black ppl have even looked at, let alone influenced, affecting a general ignorance of even the most publicly acknowledged of urban slang, playing the general yes-man  most especially and voraciously in cases critical of matters of or pertaining to african/caribbean peoples and/or their culture, the claiming of the most minute non-african portion of your dna as the determinant of your ethnicity, the declaration of “not seeing color/color doesn’t matter” in social or romantic situations which curiously only seems to apply when the person in question is not black, and professing a deep-seated hatred for “spicy” foods, affirmative action, fried chicken and red kool-aid]. then there’s the variant black jew. the one with “only one” syndrome.  this one shuns other black jews so he can tell his tale of woe and oppression alone.  apparently suffering isn’t very unique if there’s another guy with the same story. although i guess it is harder to be a martyr if you’re banding together with like-minded people with a common goal in mind. i mean, if change comes you might have to share the credit, G-d forbid…

a friend of mine once approached a black jew with skin as dark if not darker than my own shade of sexy milk-chocolate, and asked if he would be interested in partaking in a project showcasing jews of color. his response? [well, aside from saying “im not black. im a moor”?]

“ ill do it if you can tell me what a jew of color is.”

if i can–? motherf*cker, can you pass a paper bag test?  no? then congratulations. you’re a jew of color. and a field negro.

why my black jews?? why? why all the self-hate? do you think you’re not getting enough hate already as a black jew that you feel you need to double up? you do realize that being black and jewish is like being black with some more black added on, right? that if we happen to run across the klan they’re likely to lynch us twice?

now i realize that some of you get caught up at the conversion stage. ive heard more than twice about rabbis telling  black converts “you don’t have to worry about being black anymore b/c you’re jewish now”.

um, what?

more importantly, did you fill everyone else in? b/c im pretty sure when “black convert a” is walking down the street ppl aren’t thinking “my word, that jew has dark skin.” im reasonably sure they’re saying “why is that nigga dressed funny?”

 just sayin. if judaism had that magical power, im pretty sure michael jackson, bryant gumble, and larry elder would’ve just jumped in a mikveh and called it a day.

so please, my black jews, maybe you want to consider identifying with where you came from both jewishly and ethnically. yknow, maybe cut it down to only some ppl laughing at you. instead of everyone.

[incidentally, for those who think they are exempt from said public service announcement, feel free to replace “black” with “non-white ethnicity of choice”. if the shoe then fits, please proceed to kick yourself in the @ss and go find some damn self-respect.]

–MaNishtana

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