would you like fries with that?

hey guys, im back. sorry its been awhile but more on that later.


this past weekend i was helping a fellow joc of mine move. as always, we were met with the eternal moving conundrums of one: “wait, how the fack did you get this IN here??” and two: “and ur SURE we cant just throw this out the window?”  at any rate, we were wrestling with his mammoth couch down two flights of stairs when on the bottom landing, my friend’s [white, frum, jewish] landlady sees us hefting this couch around.

now, i suppose i should be grateful that–seeing three black jocs trying to remove a couch from an apartment building–she didnt call the cops on principle. [perhaps it had something to do with the non-joc jew with us. after all, groups of three or more jocs cant congregate w/o the man present, you know].  or perhaps my friend [her joc tenant] had acclimated her to the darker side of sears.  there’s some not-forced, fairly pleasant/benign conversation btw them.

then she says it.

she jerks her head in the direction of our epic couch battle and asks: “do you want me to get a couple of mexicans to move that for you?”

true story.

as nonchalantly as if she were gonna head down to the corner store and pick some up, or if she was asking me if i wanted to supersize my happy meal or something.

“oh how PRECIOUS of you to ask!”

i do believe my sarcasm was lost on her.

now, cmon my jews. there’s antisemitism, and then there’s rightly felt “i should facking slap the taste out of ur mouth you uppity white bitch who thinks she’s better than me b/c ur jewish.”

this reminds me of a similar story involving a civilian [i.e., non-jewish] ethnic friend of mine:

he pulls into a gas station with his very nice car. he’s getting gas. a couple of guido-jews [YOU know the kind im talking about…yarmulkes and gelled frosted tips…] pull in in front of him to get their gas for their MORE expensive car.  the two guidishses start having a convo and one of them sits on the hood of my friend’s car. and my friend LOVES his car.

friend: um, can you get up off my car.

guidish 1 gives confused “is that ant talking to me?” look.

guidish 1: what THIS? [scoff] this piece of shit?

friend: no i mean my car. can you have your conversation off my car?

guidish 2 [to guidish 1]: yo bro, i think he’s tryna play you.

friend now gives confused “is this ant talking to me?” look.

friend: did ur boyfriend just say im tryna play you? look you two need need to get up off my car with ur conversation.

guidish 2 [to guidish 1]: yo, you gonna take that, bro?

some yiddish is tossed back and forth

guidish 1 [to friend]: y’know what, i would? but i dont even consider this piece of shit to be car.

guidish 1 smudges friend’s car’s bumper with his shoe.

friend: wow. y’know i think maybe hitler had the right idea.

guidish 1 upon hearing “hitler” now gains self-righteous anger and kicks friend’s car. friend proceeds to beat shite out of guidish 1.

now sure, maybe the “hitler” deal was a little out there, but really, you can see where that kind of retort might possibly come from, no? from that arrogance? that sense of smug privilege, entitlement, and condescension where you think you can mock ppl’s possessions or refer to an entire ethnic group as a sale item at shop rite? [and im not even gonna address the fact that somehow whenever “holocaust” is mentioned the previous assholic behavior of the offender is somehow retroactively justified or excusable or something. never mind that, were the offender NOT jewish, they wouldve already been beat six ways till shabbos.]

but more importantly has EVERYONE just, i dunno, FORGOTTEN what a chillul Hashem is? b/c im pretty sure its still on the books.


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4 thoughts on “would you like fries with that?

  1. Lol and some 😡

    Guilty pleasure for sure, for the laughs I get at least. Its too complicated and unnecessary to get into the other stuff…what you said. Yes people think looking “cool” (or whatever that is) is more important than looking like a decent person. I guess we have different priorities than other people.

    Also I’m not one to fight over possessions or get into fights about how people are talking to each other (usually, depends on how outright/offensive it is, maybe because I’m a girl?) but its clear that the Jewish guys were showing ownership and authority of those around them. Disrespect and that whole “think I’m better than you” that you mentioned earlier. I’m not sure if its because of religion, race or status or a combination, but its sort of laughable that anyone thinks they are ‘better than’ because of being Jewish. News flash, the rest of the world doesn’t think that’s so special.


  2. Glad to see you back. You have a style to your writing.
    Don’t just knock the Jews; you, better than I, must know that insufferable smug meanness knows no color or gender.


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